Kristen Crabtree: Remembering Who You Really Are

In this deeply honest episode 24 of The Influence Exchange, I sit down with Kristen Crabtree, author of Be the You That’s More You Than You’ve Ever Been and creator of Paramour Paradox, to talk about identity, healing, truth, and the journey of becoming yourself again.

Kristen shares how her work was born not from business plans or strategy, but from lived experience after surviving years of deep internal disconnection, including a 22-year psychologically abusive marriage. After leaving in a fog, with no real sense of who she was, she began the difficult process of rebuilding her life and rediscovering her voice.

In this conversation, we talk about:

What Paramour Paradox really is and how it helps people reconnect with their true identity

How thoughts shape emotions, emotions shape behavior, and how many of us live in survival patterns that no longer serve us

Why transformation is less about becoming someone new and more about remembering who you already are

The idea that we only see a tiny fraction of reality through our mental “filter”

Why motivation and discipline become easier when you’re finally in alignment with your truth

The difference between surviving life and actually feeling real in it again

Kristen also opens up about what it means to leave without clarity, to rebuild from the ground up, and to discover that peace, truth, and self-worth are still possible — even after years of feeling lost.

Buy Kristen’s book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Thats-More-Than-Youve-Ever/dp/B0G1S19489/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0

Connect with Kristen: https://www.you2point0.com/

Kristen’s website: https://www.paramourparadox.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Today's guest helps people rediscover who they really are, especially those who have spent years being dependable, responsible, and quietly putting themselves last. Kristen Crabtree is the author of Be the You That's More You Than You Ever Been. And the creator of Paramour Paradox, a framework designed to help people reconnect with their true identity and rebuild their lives from a place of life. Her work comes with her reaction. After spending more than five decades booting life, she worked, including 22 years in a physiologically abusive marriage. Kristen began the difficult journey of rebuilding her life and rediscovering her voice. Today, she helped others do the same. Explore our voice. Please join me in welcoming Kristen Crabtree. Let's get into it. Welcome, Kristen, to the Influence Exchange. Thank you for joining me today. How are you?

SPEAKER_02 1:59

I'm good, JV. Thank you for having me here.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Thank you. It's a pleasure. So, Kristen, I'm influenced and motivated by what you bring and um your history. So I would like to dive into a little bit about your Paramour Paradox and how you created it. Started from the ground up, please.

SPEAKER_02 2:17

Yeah. So Paramour Paradox was not like a logical creation. It wasn't based on like wanting to build a business or build a book or, you know, anything like that. I it really kind of came from a connection to self, I guess is the best way I can describe it. So um, but I didn't start here. I started somewhere else. And the somewhere else, um, uh I'll do just the short overview of my story, but I'm I'm happy to dive into anything that you want, but it's not always necessary. So it's up to you. Um, but I am an open book, so whatever you want to do. Um, so I was uh sexually assaulted at 13, raped at 15. That's significant because um it was weaponized against me in my marriage. So I was married for 22 years. Um, and only after I left did I realize that I was psychologically abused during the marriage because the way psychological abuse works is it's hidden from you, right? Sure. Um it's just, you know, it's it's different from um physical and sexual abuse because those are pretty obvious. You know, you wind up with bruises, cuts, scrapes, whatever. Um, but with um psychological abuse, it's uh this steady chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip every day, all day long. Sure. In my case, for 22 years. And so um I left not because I had clarity, I left because the bear chasing me um was more scary than the abyss that I was standing in front of.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

And um, so and I I mentioned that because um, you know, I don't know if you, if your audience is really um in that space, but if anybody listening is in this space where they know something's not right and they're waiting for clarity or a plan, that clarity and plan is not gonna come and they need to just take that leap because that's when the clarity will come. And that's why this is relevant to my story and how I created Paramour Paradox is it came out of taking that leap and leaving in a fog um where I was completely dis I I had I knew nothing about myself, right? Um and uh in the beginning of leaving, I was um spending hours and hours and hours every day on um audiobooks just trying to understand what happened to me in my marriage. And after a few months of that and uh being on support groups um about like narcissistic abuse, I one day I just I went down to my bath to my kitchen and I was like, you know, I'm kind of done with this. Like everybody in the support groups seemed like they were stuck, like they just wanted to keep reliving their victim story, and I didn't want to stay there. I didn't know how to get out or what to do, but I knew I didn't want to stay there.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

So I um looked on my Audible app and I found a book that I had downloaded um without knowing anything about it. It's called Becoming Supernatural. It's written by Dr. Joe Dispenza. And um he his work influenced me very dramatically in a couple of ways. It's not, it's it's not what directly influenced Paramour Paradox, but what it what it did was get me to a place where I could start to hear my truth. Sure. And my truth told me each step of the way what to create for Paramount Paradox. Um, to hear my truth, the the short version of that is um understanding the thoughts leads to an emotion, leads to a release of chemicals that you become addicted to, that leads to a behavior that leads to an experience that leads back to a thought. So that loop um really uh helped me understand why I was stuck in the victim story and why I was ruminating all the time and spiraling. Um and that understanding and then tools to cut through that nonsense and get to a place where my monkey mind would quiet. Um that was all influenced by Dr. Joe's work.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

And once I got there, um I heard in a meditation, um, heard for lack of a better word, um, to go find my book that I wrote in 1999. And that was the start of Paramore Paradox.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

That is amazing. Thank you for sharing that story. So, Kristen, do you have a book? Be the you that more you than you ever been. Let's speak to me a little bit about your book, please. And where can people purchase your book?

SPEAKER_02 7:40

Yeah, so the book is first of all, it's available on Amazon and also on my website, paramourparadox.com. And it's also, I just released the journal about three days ago, which is not just a typical journal. It's sure it's exciting. Yeah. Um, but the book is uh designed on the metaphor of an archaeologist artifact architect. And the archaeologist is um the becoming the archaeologist means that you learn the science, the metaphysics, the philosophy, um, all of that to equip you to be able to differentiate between artifacts, which are um like either the authentic pieces of you or the adaptations. So their experience and memories that make up either who you aren't really or who you really are. And so the training that the archaeologist gets helps you differentiate between what these artifacts are. And then the architect is um who you become to design what I call the true you 2.0 self. And that is the the version of you in this life and this body today that is um here to do its mission that is discovered from the excavation of digging for your true self. So that's that's the book, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Sure, sure. So audience, you could purchase Kristen's book on Amazon. So there's a five-part framework that you go by. Let's let's talk about that. Walk us through framework one to five, and how does that work?

SPEAKER_02 9:30

So by the framework, I assume you mean the bodies and integration, correct?

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Correct.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Okay, because there's kind of it, there's sort of the two frameworks. The there's the art archaeologist artifact, architect framework, and then within that, there's um the uh breakdown into doing the excavation based on your four bodies, so mental body, emotional body, physical body, and energy body. Um, so each one of those bodies gets its own section, and each section is broken down into um the archaeologist, the excavation, which is made up of um roughly a hundred questions per section and 20 to 40 exercises per section. And you are not supposed to do all of them, but there's that many because different people, you know, learn or respond or resonate with different things. And so the whole point to everything I do is I don't know your truth. Nobody does. Nobody knows how to get to the quote unquote best version of you. And I I put that in quotes because the best version of you is the real version of you, which is what you're digging for in this explanation.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Um, it's not about putting stuff on or changing what's here, it's about stripping away and hearing your truth. So I'm not the expert. I give you information in the archaeologist section so that you know science, metaphysics, philosophy related to that body. I give you a ton of questions and exercises that you can pick and choose from to dig up your artifacts. The third chapter in each section is called The Web. And that is a short fictional story that illustrates if you make one tiny change related to what you just learned, um, not only how it ripples out into your life, but how it ripples out into the world. And one little, one little decision can make this huge change. Um, so the four bodies, they each have their own section made up in that style. The fifth section um is called it's the architect, and it's called integration. So it's where you take the information that you've gotten and you are able to um design your future. Now, I take a completely different approach to like goal achievement or manifesting or whatever you want to call it than most people. So a lot of times you you know hear like the smart goals where you know you set a goal and you work back from it. And sure, it's a linear path. You do X and then do Y and then do Z, and you get there, and it might take you 10 years, but you get there, right? Um, and um you've had some wonderful uh podcasts on that process. Sure. And um it is a very valuable process for um like goal achievement, right? But for transformation, the linear path doesn't make as much sense. So the reason I say that is because um so my um section five, the integration architect, looks at things from um the position that time is an artificial construct, which a lot of people don't know that, but time doesn't really exist. It's an artificial construct.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Because of that, when you're talking about transformation, um, linear time doesn't really apply or it doesn't have to apply. Interesting. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:23

So I also introduced, and throughout the book, you're getting information that makes what I'm about to describe not seem so scary. And I'm really good at making things simple.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

But I also talk about retrocausality, and not all of these are proven, just like at one point uh white wasn't proven or whatever. You know, it's like um these are all concepts, some of which have been proven and some of which are still open to debate, but that um are there to open your mind to the possibility or the potential of what can happen. So um I talk about consciousness, I talk about um retro causality, which is basically the future impacting the past, which is a super cool concept.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Um, the artificial construct of time. And I walk you through a process of using your artifacts to build um a jig. Okay. That um, so for those who don't know what a jig is, it's a carpentry term. Um, a carpenter will usually build a jig. They'll take the time and energy to build a jig before they build the chair.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

Because doing so will make sure that every chair leg is the same length and the holes and the, you know, that it all fits together well. So it winds up making the construction process much more efficient and much uh more accurate.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

And so what the jig does is it provides you with um a tool to immediately make decisions. So you're presented with an opportunity or um a concept and you can know immediately. You don't have to do a pro-con list, you don't have to do analysis, you know immediately if it's right or wrong for you. Okay. And so you so the um idea behind the way I approach um transformation is that it can be immediate.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

So you don't have to um operate on linear time. And there's a couple things that I like to share with people for them to really believe that that's the case. So one thing is our we see the world through a filter, and that filters from our brain. We only see 0.01% of what is really there. And it's actually pointing, it's actually smaller, it's actually point zero zero zero zero two percent. But that's like so minuscule, it's even harder to try to get your brain around. But um, the first layer of cutting it, okay, we we only take in 0.01% of what is really there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 16:24

And that's science. That's not like metaphysics or VB and you know, woo-woo or whatever. That's science. Okay. So um, what that means is a lot of stuff is getting filtered out, right? 99.99999% of reality is getting filtered out. Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

Okay. So why and how? Well, our brain is there to do us the favor of presenting us with information that allows us to operate in this world uh without losing our marbles by seeing a hundred percent of what's there. Sure. But the problem is the brain's filtered filter is wired for efficiency and expectation.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

So if you expect to see angry people who, you know, never let you do what you want to do and put, you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Negative. That's what you see.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Right. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

And if you expect to, you know, see people who are really helpful and really nice, that's what you see. A way you can test this filter. Um, I actually have some really cool things, but just uh something everybody has experienced and can relate to. Um, is you know, you're getting ready to buy a car, it's gonna be a Subaru cross-track, um, and you really want that orange color. And all of a sudden, every car on the road is the orange Subaru crosstrack, right? Have you had that experience?

SPEAKER_01 17:54

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Something, yeah, right. So that is your brain, that's an example of your brain's filter. And that part is actually called the reticular activation system or activation system, okay. And it's a little thing in our brain that um does this filtering for us. So what that means is you are seeing the reality that you expect to see.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Okay. So that means that there is a way to expect to see a different reality and see that. Okay. So if you are able to see the filter you're seeing through, which I give people a way to do that, okay. Um, if you're able to see the filter you're seeing through, now you can tinker with the filter.

unknown 18:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

And if you tinker with the filter, then you can actually be living in a different reality now.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

And um because time is an artificial construct, if you know what your future self, the real self, the self that you want that to become, sure. If you know what that is and you live from it today, then you are that. You don't have to become that anymore.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

Which is why my book is called Be the You That's More You Than You've Ever Been, instead of become the You That's More You Than You've Ever Been. Because if you can be that right now. Because you actually are. You just don't know it yet. You've forgotten. And so it's a matter of helping you remember who you really are.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Wow. I I just learned a lot. Stuff that I have not had no idea of. So thank you. Thank you for sharing that. So you as a certified divorce coach, you know, I'm married. Um, I'm no one's perfect. What motivates you when it comes to coaching someone that's or a couple actually that's maybe struggling or thinking about divorce?

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Yeah, so I'm not a divorce therapist and I'm not a couples therapist or a couples coach. So a divorce coach is for one person. Now it doesn't have to be for a person who knows they want to get a divorce.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

It could be for a person who's like, you know, things aren't right, my spouse isn't listening to me. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should get, you know, a divorce or get separated or stay married and just suck it up or like I don't know. So as a divorce coach, I'm not uh pitching divorce, I'm not selling divorce. Like, I don't want you to do what you aren't meant to do, right? Sure. So just like the paramour paradox, so paramour paradox is not divorce oriented, it is not um trauma-oriented, it is about uh helping people who are asking that existential question of who am I?

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

That's what it's about. And that is like my soul's calling, for lack of a better word.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

The divorce coaching is more the vehicle, it does two things. One, it's how I earn my money, right? It's the it's the coaching part. But the other thing it does is a lot of times once people are out of the fog of the divorce and they've had the tangible um assistance that they need to make it through that, a lot of times they come out on the other side going, Who am I? Right? Which is what Paramour Paradox does.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

So they're not the same, but there is that part of the relationship to them. And to answer your question about how I would help a person, so not a couple, but a person who was um who was facing that. So as a divorce coach, essentially what I aim. Is I'm trained in helping people who are faced with a big transition, how to navigate that. Divorce happens to be one of the big transitions that people face.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

But that big transition could be retirement, it could be empty nesting, it could be leaving a job and starting a career. I mean, a company. So it doesn't have to be divorce, but um the application of what I do is really effective for somebody who is facing the transition of do I want a divorce? Or how do I navigate the divorce? So in the case of somebody coming who doesn't know if they want a divorce, really it's kind of the same process as the book. It's just framed differently. So it's still digging, helping them identify what is true, what is authentic, what is an alignment with who they are. If they and their spouse have the potential to have a really deep, rich, meaningful relationship, but they've just lost sight of how to do that, sure, then the process could be helping that one person work with that in the context of staying in the marriage or staying in the relationship. But if in the process of um digging again, you know, kind of at that same concept, they realize, oh no, this marriage kind of was never right to begin with, or it was right in the beginning, but now I don't know who the heck they are and I don't even know who I am. Um, then it's a lot more tangible process of, okay, let's figure out what your priorities are, let's figure out what's important to you, let's figure out what kind of experts you need on your team, let's figure out how to keep you um oriented and organized so that you can get the most um value out of the lawyer and the therapist and the um real estate agent and the whatever that is a part of your team. So that part of the work is a lot more practical. It's a lot more um, you know, sort of this life experience of how to how to navigate all those challenges, all those questions.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

Of course. No, it took me three years with a thought process of creating this podcast. And um I was just not motivated, not inspired. And if I knew you back then, I'm sure I would have done it three years ago. So again, um, Kristen, thank you for sharing your story. That's an inspiring. And I'm hoping if you're watching on YouTube or listening, you know, please, please research um Kristen and buy her book. I want to go back a little bit. You you said you're with someone for 22 years. Why why you think sometimes if someone is struggling in a relationship in year one, year five, year 10, they just don't stop and and just go their ways. Yes, they may have a mortgage together sometimes, they may have a family or whatever it is, but just why it takes sometimes so long, and I can speak from experience. You know, what do you think that is, Christian?

SPEAKER_02 25:29

Yeah, so in my case, I know what the answer is. We had a perfect marriage. We never fought, we never disagreed, we you know, it was so peaceful, but you know why? Because I was trained to never disagree. Oh and I didn't even know that. I thought we had this incredible marriage because we never fought.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

I totally didn't realize we never fought because I was not allowed to have a brain and a mouth, you know. So yeah, we had a perfect marriage by everybody else's observations.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

Right, from the outside. Sure. Yeah, yeah. You know, when I so speaking up, you know, you have to speak up for yourself. Um I've learned that um growing up in my life, I've been in relationships prior to getting married, um, that was not happy. Either we were together because we wanted to party, we were together because of of feeling comfortable with each other, you know, whatever it is. And I always, not always, but as I've grown and became a a better person, a professional, I've made those mistakes and I'm trying to my journey explaining my mistakes and just talking to other people about my mistakes. And hopefully there's one person out there that has experience what you've been through, Kristen, what I've been through, that they can say, you know what, I'm making that change today. That's so important. And there is one person out there probably listening or watching, and they probably gonna say, I'm moving forward. You know, that's that's so important. Oh, okay. So, you know, being when when did you first realize you have disappeared internally? You know, you sat down and said, I am completely gone.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

After I left.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

After you left, sure.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

Yeah. When I realized I didn't even know like what kind of clothes I like to wear, what I like to eat. Um, I was completely isolated. I had one local friend that I had just made the year before. Sure. Um, I I uh when I met my wife, I was a hippie, um, but she didn't like that. And so I quickly learned not to dress like a hippie and not to have things around the house that were like a hippie. And for those who are listening to this instead of watching it, I've got a nice big tapestry behind me.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

I love it. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 28:06

My whole house is filled with colors. It's kind of like a Turkish uh uh harem den or something. Um, whereas she thank God she had beautiful taste. She liked mid-century modern, which is gorgeous, but it's not me. And I didn't even know that until I moved out. And I moved into a furnished apartment, which interestingly was also mid-century modern. No, no, but it wasn't until I actually got out of that rental and got my own place that I was like, oh, so I don't have any furniture for my marriage because I literally left with two carloads of clothes and kitchen stuff. That's all I took in my pets. Okay. Um, but uh I yeah, I all of a sudden could buy furniture and I was like, What what do I like? You know?

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

Like, what do I want my space like?

SPEAKER_00 28:59

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 29:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

How's it going with?

SPEAKER_02 29:02

So yeah, so you asked, like, when when did I realize or wake up? You know, it's actually it's it's a process of realizing and waking up, but I didn't have any sense that I had disappeared until I actually left.

SPEAKER_01 29:18

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 29:19

And then realized, oh my god, like, who am I? You know, who am I?

SPEAKER_01 29:26

Of course.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

You know, Kristen, um, from my experience, you plan in your head, right? You go to bed one night, oh tomorrow's the day. Then tomorrow comes, oh, the next day is the day, I'm finally going to leave, or finally gonna make a change in my life. Um, and it just takes so long. And I've learned that if you're thinking and your heart feels it and your mind feels it, go with go with your gut. Just do it. You might you might it might be a struggle in the beginning to rebound and to to finally be yourself and find your identity, but believe me, it will come. So I'm I'm happy you are at a place right now, Kristen, that you can speak about it and with a huge smile on your face. I love it. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 30:15

Thank you. And you know what you were just saying about you go to bed and you wake up and you think I'm gonna do it tomorrow, and then that day passes. So today is yesterday's tomorrow, you know. And if you start to think about your day that way, um, it can start to shift that feeling of urgency or commitment. I mean, it is scary, you know. I left not knowing if I was gonna be homeless. You know, I really I didn't know all of the um control was taken away from me. Um, she actually forbade me from moving out. She accepted that I wanted a divorce, but she wouldn't let me move out. And I thought she had the power to say I couldn't move out.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 30:58

And it wasn't until I actually found two different places uh that were cheap in really bad neighborhoods, sure. Um, but that were furnished and took pets and were inexpensive. And I said I was gonna move out, and she said, No, you you can't, we can't afford it. And so I found a cheaper place that was worse. And she said, No, you can't afford it. And I was on a walk with that one friend I had, yeah, and I was singing my woes to her, and she said, Well, why don't you just move out? And I said, Well, she won't let me. And my friend looked at me and said, You don't need her permission. Right, right, right, right. And I was like, Oh yes, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 31:39

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 31:40

I don't. Right, right. And and I had to move out when she was on a trip because she wouldn't I I knew she wouldn't let me leave.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 31:49

Sure if she was around. So yeah, that's how it happened.

SPEAKER_01 31:53

Good, good, good. And I'm happy But I did not have a plan. Sure, no plan.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

I did not have a plan.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

Yeah. I know. I I'm going back, you know, a lot younger. Um, I had to move back home with mom, you know, sleeping in a couch. I did that when I was in my teenage years, you know, and then as a man, I say, whoa. But I was happy, I moved on, and um I rebound, I would say, and started new. And started brand, brand fresh in new. So it's it's something. So Kristen, uh, when the lens shifts, the path shifts, right? There's something that I read um about you. Explain the definition behind that, please.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

Yeah. So I mentioned that our brain works as a filter, right? And if you can see the filter you've been seeing through, then it gives you a different perspective. So filter lens, I use those words interchangeably.

SPEAKER_00 32:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 32:55

So I actually have um on my website, I have a whole bunch of free gifts. Um, four of which are what I call mind expanding experiences. I use that term because people get afraid of the word meditation. Okay. And they're a sneaky way of getting you to experiment with meditation. Um and so the exercises are um or the experiences are to help you experience the filter that you've been living through. So they break it down according to sight. Uh, the second one is hearing, the third one is physical sensations, and then the fourth one integrates all of those.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 33:40

And through these um meditations, I'll use the dirty word. No, you're right. Through these meditations, um, you're able to actually like see more of what's really there and hear more of what's so all that stuff that you filter out, you can start to expand and actually experience it.

SPEAKER_00 34:01

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

And so once you you really become aware, like kinesthetically, of that filter, that's when you can start to change it. That because again, the filter works for efficiency and expectation.

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

So if you just tinker with that expectation part of it, but you can't do that until you see it, until you know it's there.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

Right.

SPEAKER_02 34:23

And so that's why I say that about the lens, lens or filter, same thing.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

I love it. Yeah. Kristen, you you have taught me so much in this what 30, 40 minutes of us talking today. I I really appreciate it. Um, one thing I I I like to talk about is um motivation, right? What what motivates a person to do something good to speak out? What is your motivation today? What is your inspiration today, Kristen, that you could share with the audience, please?

SPEAKER_02 35:00

So you're asking a couple of different questions.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:04

So at first, when you said, you know, let's talk about motivation, I thought you meant in the context of like uh creating. So like working or, you know, building something, right? And so I'm gonna answer it that way. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Fair enough.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

But then if we want to look at motivation like uh, you know, an intrinsic desire to help people, you know, you said something about motivate. We can also talk about it from there. So if you are living in alignment with your truth, you do not need motivation or discipline.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 35:39

They come. It's there. You don't need it. So if you're having to motivate yourself and discipline yourself, then you're not in alignment. Because a lot of people spend a lot of um energy um reaching a goal that isn't really in alignment with who they are. And um, you know, we can become really good at that. I was extremely good at goal setting and you know, achieving my goal and having, yeah, oh my God, I was so good at that. But the problem is we can get into this um momentum of, you know, I've got to do this, I've got to do this, I've got to do this, because we think it's where we need to go. But if you're really living in alignment with who you really are, then all that just comes naturally. You don't have to discipline yourself and motivate yourself. Um, it just happens. So that doesn't mean linear goal setting is bad. Um, because once you figure out what your alignment is, it still helps to have that tool to get you there. Because you can't just sit, you know, even though life will flow and it will be easier, you still have to have tools to actually get somewhere. Right. Right. And so, you know, that a lot of the tools that you talk about in your podcasts for achieving goals and um being disciplined, that all uh are important tools to have once you know the path that you were supposed to be on. Right. It does give you some um natural uh motivation and discipline, but it still helps to have those tools to be able to achieve the the things that you want to do. Of course. So that's one answer to your motivation. To the motivated to like do something good for people.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

For people, right.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

You know, see, here's the thing. Um, I can't believe I even say this so much because um it just feels so good to say it. So I'm gonna say the whole thing. Yes, okay, and this is about motivation for wanting to help people, okay? Yes. So when you remember who you are, when you remember your truth, sure, you will realize that you are magnificent. You are brilliant, you are amazing.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

Love it.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

So once I realize that, it's like, of course, I'm gonna help other people. Like, right? Um, and all of you listening are magnificent and brilliant. You have just forgotten. So the whole point of this life, in my opinion, is the journey to remembering, remembering how brilliant we are, and then living from there.

SPEAKER_01 38:39

So I love it. I love it, Kristen. No, Kristen, um, we are running out of time, but I like to ask all my guests one final question. What are your final thoughts to the world?

SPEAKER_02 38:52

Hmm. Um be fearless and digging for your truth. It is so worth it. You know, um I've attempted suicide, I've had suicidal ruminations for years. To be able to sit here and say, I am magnificent, and to live in a place of peace and equanimity is like unbelievable. It is so worth the work. It is so worth the work. Your life will be amazing once you realize how amazing you are.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

I love it. And before we go, Kristen, please, where can people find your book? Please, what is your website? And also, I will be adding your link for Amazon and your website on the episode description, but just please share that information.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So Amazon is a great place for the book and for the journal. Uh, Paramount Paradox.com. And you said you'll have the link there, so I don't need to spell it. The other thing, so those are great places if you just kind of want to dive into the material on your own. I also offer um a chat. And you know, I'm again, this is my passion, this is my mission, this is what truth wants me to do. So I'm not gonna try to sell you something. Um, that half hour chat is just if you want to like have some questions asked so you can maybe get on a path that is the right path for you. And so I'll give you that link too. It's u2.0.com, Y-O-U, the number two, the word pointumber zero.com. It's just a place to get on my schedule. I also am adding, so by the time this comes out, it will probably already be on there, a um really amazing um PDF about um emotional sobriety, which is so we are, I won't even go into this because I know we're out of time, but we are addicted to emotions.

SPEAKER_00 40:55

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Like literally, like physically, biochemically, um, to cortisol, adrenaline, oxytocin, like all this stuff. And once again, you realize that sometimes you can't change because of the addiction.

unknown 41:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:11

You have to admit you have the addiction, and then you have to know how to get beyond the addiction. And because that's such an important part of transformation. Um, I have I'm creating uh a downloadable sure, sure.

SPEAKER_01 41:25

That Kristen, that will be our conversation on the next time. Definitely looking forward to it. So, Kristen, thank you for taking your time out of your day today and meeting with me. I really, really appreciate it. And um, enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 41:40

Thank you, you too.

SPEAKER_01 41:42

Welcome. Thank you again, Kristen. Before I go, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for pressing play. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching on YouTube. Subscribe, leave a review, and remember, your influence grows every time you choose courage over comfort. I'm JV. Stay curious, stay consistent, and keep influencing others. Thank you.